Extraordinary Kissing
Romance: It's one thing to
be attractive, but can you sustain it?
So, you
put everything in place. You decide to love and accept yourself and other
people. You set yourself some inspiring goals and learn what women want from
men. Most importantly - you dig deep within to discover and release the real
and wonderful person trapped inside....
But what makes you
different or more attractive than a photograph of this amazing new you?
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People
can look at your photo, but they can't hear you, they can't smell you, they
can't feel you and, what's more, they can't TASTE YOU! It may be fun to
look at your picture, but it's not going to be that exciting kissing it!
Even in day to day life,
most people will get to see you, perhaps shake your hand or get a
whiff of your scent as you glide confidently past them on your way to the
office fax machine or water cooler...but what about that other vital sense, the
most important of the five, the one held in reserve for that special
moment?
Even though you may have done well on improving the
visual image side of things, and even perhaps the audio... what are you going
to do when all this works to good effect and you have the person of your dreams
standing right there in front of you...just inches away and biting at their
bit...?
After
all, there's nothing so disappointing as biting into a huge, bright red,
juicy-looking apple, only to find it's powdery and fluffy and dry...and tastes
like dehydrated cardboard! Or the other alternative - an apple full of juice
but without flavor or texture: in short, bland, tasteless and dull!
The fundamental question
is, can you come up with the goods when it counts?
A question of
technique
It may be a boring word,
but as discussed in earlier chapters, technique is what makes the
vital difference! To be extraordinary at anything in life requires knowledge of
the "craft" involved. But contrary to popular opinion, the act of
acquiring it needn't be a boring process. If you get the recipe right it can be
a fun and exciting adventure!
The Six Fundamental
Qualities of Extraordinary Kissing!
When
it comes to craft, there are an infinite number of techniques you can learn;
but as with any new skill, if you understand the basics and also the KEY
PRINCIPLES required, then beyond that it is a process of continual REFINEMENT
and your own individual learning.
Experimentation
This "process of
continual REFINEMENT" requires that you develop a sense of play
and experimentation. This means that you DON'T get set in
your ways or "stuck" in your approach: it's important to explore new
approaches and to force yourself to try things differently.
This means accepting
the risk that not every new approach may be all that exciting,
especially while you're still learning! This is where it's a good idea to know
two or three techniques that really work! Then you can depart from them for a
few moments at a time while you experiment with something new.
If the
new thing works, hey presto! You can stay with it a bit longer, add a new
quality or intention to that technique and see if in doing so you discover
something else that's new or deeper or more intense.
If,
however, you feel the energy and connection wane a bit, that is to say, you can
sense that it's not working and your partner is not so responsive, then move
back to what you know for a while. Once the energy returns, try something new
again.
Once
you get to know your partner well, experimentation is an important part of
sustaining the passion in a relationship. Routine has its value, but it is
important to spice things up a bit by adding a little bit that's new every so
often. This is how long lasting relationships are forged, where people can find
a rich and deep satisfaction from choosing to be with same person for the
"long ride".
To this end it may pay to
talk through this with your partner. Discussing the value of experimentation
will help them to
understand the low points
better. They are then more likely to explore with you rather than
wondering what on earth your doing. This also means they are less likely to
feel resentful that you seem to be tuning in and out all the time.
Of
course, in the early stages of a relationship - the "honeymoon"
period, both of you are more likely to be forgiving of each other and more
ready to ignore any "low points". The sense of experimentation will
keep your partner guessing. They'll always be wondering when the next wow
factor is going to come. They're likely to sense your desire to experiment and
will appreciate your willingness to explore what pushes their
buttons.
Imagination = image/ination
Of course, experimentation
requires an ability to do something new, something you haven't done
before.
This is where your imagination
is vital.
Imagination
is the ability to ask the question "What if". What if I did this or
that differently, with more energy or with more tenderness, or with more
strength?
Imagination
is not so much concerned with what is, or what has been, but with what could
be. Imagination is about what is new, what can be improved
and its purpose is to inspire oneself and others by taking what is, and
transforming it into a much better version.
Imag/ination is about the
ability to let images form in your mind. The first step is to ask the question
"What if...". The next step is to allow the answer to your question
to come to mind. This answer may appear in the form of images/pictures, a
feeling or hunch, or perhaps some words or ideas.
When this answer appears
you then need to apply the third step - if it's a good idea - which is to act
on it. Try it out! See if it works!
For example, the most
conventional approach to kissing is face to face: but what if you tried it with
one of you upside down - just for the hell of it! This can be most easily
achieved by sneaking up on your partner when they are sitting in a low chair -
while they're watching TV, for example - you can lean over the top and plant
one on them! There are other instances where this can be applied too - these
can be left for you to imagine! If anything, the "upside
down approach" may make you laugh and may add some fun to your
interaction!
It may
even help to relax you both and dispel any awkwardness or tension. You partner
is likely to admire you, too - for having the confidence to do something a bit
wacky. After all, this is part of romance and of being in love: - making
memories, which, in the future you can look back on.
Letting
your imagination flow, and giving yourself permission to
spontaneously act on it is one of the greatest gifts you can give
yourself, as well as the people you share your life with.
Have you ever tried a
surprise kiss from behind? For one thing it creates a different series of
sensations. This is because the two sets of lips form a different shape as they
stretch to make contact with each other. For the person receiving, there is
also the pleasure of feeling the warmth of your body from behind.
There is something very
intimate about exposing your back to someone as it indicates a high level of
trust and vulnerability. When you are face to face, your body's instinct is to
put its guard up, to put a "mask on the face". When one person has
their back facing the other, this guard is let down.
What about kissing from
side on? Then there is the brief kiss, the long kiss, the light long kiss, the
deep brief kiss, the deep long kiss, the repetitive short kiss that offers then
pulls away and thus creates greater desire...and so on and so on...
In a way it's a matter of
using your imagination to constantly ask yourself: "What is a different or
opposite way to do what I am doing now?". You may like to use your imagination
to try the above 'kiss types' in different combinations or sequences.
You can
also use your imagination to connect with the idea of texture and different
energy qualities. It's useful to think of kissing as a type of dancing.
Dance is a response to the
stimulation of music. Music is about dynamics: fast, slow, loud, quiet, hard,
soft, high and low. It is about smooth connected lines ("legato") and
it's also about the more broken disconnected moments
("staccato").
Then there are all the
combinations of these: loud, low, hard, fast and broken; soft, low, slow and
broken; smooth, connected, loud, fast and high...the combinations are endless
once you set yourself free to play with the possibilities.
Take a moment now to think
for yourself how this might apply to kissing and how it might "generate
ideas" for you in developing your own unique "style".
What would
"legato" kissing look and feel like, for example? And staccato? And
legato dominating, but interrupted occasionally by the other? And vice versa?
And fast applied? And slow applied? And soft? Hard? And moving moments, and
moments of complete stillness?
Down the track, once you
and your partner have become familiar with each other, it may be a good idea to
use music during your intimate times together to stimulate your
imagination.
The changes in the tempo
and structure of the music may help to feed your imagination. In the meantime,
you could simply think of a piece of music you really enjoy whilst kissing. It
may seem unusual, but that is what imagination is: although in this case you
are thinking of sounds.
In
addition to feeding your imagination with a variety of musical energies, it's
also useful to imagine different textures or surfaces. Such images help you to
discover different techniques by guiding your intention and
muscle movement. Images such as sandpaper suggest a roughened
texture, which can direct the movement of your lips to create strong and determined
sensations and impulses.
And if you are already
with a steady partner, there's always the opportunity to extend images like
this into other areas of intimacy beyond kissing. For example, you can make use
of any unshaven stubble to create a gentle yet arousing sandpaper effect on
your partner's skin (we are speaking, of course, of a light brush: you're not
aiming to remove any layers here!).
There's another aspect to
all of this, which has to do with the way we experience the world. To begin
with the human being takes in information through the five senses: touch,
taste, smell, sound and sight. If this is all that happens, however, then one
is only living on one level of experience.
Living life more richly is
about enriching or adding richness to your life. People who enrich their own
lives have learnt to use the idea of feedback. These are the people who at the
end of each day tell themselves or those they love about the day they’ve had.
They recount the day in the form of stories and anecdotes; they reinterpret
their experience by finding the humor in stressful events and the beauty in
some of life's more mundane moments.
Whilst waiting at the bus
stop they will notice a mother duck being followed to the river by her
newly-hatched ducklings; or the child who gave the rest of her chocolate bar to
her baby brother to stop him crying. These are the people who know how to see images
of beauty in amongst the movie of daily facts and events.
They then play these
images back through their minds. As they do so they are able to re-interpret
and therefore re-experience their life. Each time they do this they are able to
derive more and more meaning from their life. They are then able to grow the
gift of life that they have been given. They grow their gift way beyond its
original size.
In this
way these people live more than one life. They live many lives. These are the
people who are rich because they can experience more, feel more, love more and
give more.
They therefore attract more,
because people who are rich are attractive - they have an unstoppable smile on
their face and a bounce in their walk that sings of their abundance!
And the key to achieving this is
their "IMAGE-INATION"!
They
collect the images
and moments of their life like a gold miner panning the river for
specks of gold, and every day they find it! No wonder they have a gleam in
their eye!
Now, to get back to the
issue of sandpaper and velvet - this approach of panning the river of life for
images can be applied to the romantic side of your life as well. This is
something poets and artists have always known: hence you get phrases such as:
“her hair pure silk", or, "her eyes were like diamonds floating in a
sea of moonlight", or, "her skin was made of the smoothest marble -
rounded and polished to the point of utter bliss".
As you learn this
technique of describing one thing in terms of another thing, it sets your brain
off on a trip of the imagination. The human mind LOVES this type of thinking.
It helps it to makes sense of the world and to create the experience of living
a beautiful life.
This is
why artists throughout the ages have used metaphors and images to express what
is important in life; it helps to make life a process of enrichment. And the
point about using images in this way is that they INTESIFY your sensations and
FEELINGS. When it comes to
kissing, this is a highly desirable skill. Feed it back to yourself and you get
to re-live it, AS you are experiencing it...and any time thereafter!
You may ask, "well,
this is great for me, but what about my partner"? Well, the point is that
as you intensify your experience you will find it easier to be responsive to
their offers. You are also more likely to respond to them in ever more
imaginative and creative ways. In short, it gets your juices flowing and so
it's likely to get theirs going too!
Think about it this way.
If you find that each offer you make to your partner causes them to respond
with a high of level of intensity and interest...well, it would kind of feel
like a compliment to you, wouldn't it? You feel like they are taking your
offers or advances and are running with it! This is much more exciting than
throwing someone a ball, so to speak, and having them drop it repeatedly on the
ground.
In a
sense, this is about being imaginatively responsible. That may seem like an odd
combination of words, but what it means is that you are responsible for your
own experience and your own happiness. Whatever offer you receive, however
tentative and weak, you can compliment your partner by receiving it, MAGNIFYING
their impulse, and returning it to them with an even stronger and clearer
intention.
This is where the power of your IMAGINATION really kicks
in - it is the key to transforming any situation you are in, whether romantic
or otherwise; even more than this, it is the key to transforming and enriching
your life. So, learn to use it: learn to accept what life or people offer you,
and once you have accepted it, it is yours to magically transform into what
ever you desire. It's as simple as waving a wand; suddenly romance will no
longer seem like "work"; instead it gains the ease and freedom of
play and magic!
It is
also the way to overcome any initial disappointments you might experience;
maybe you have imagined being close to that person who you find attractive,
but, when it actually happens...well...somehow it doesn't seem to be as
exciting as you'd expected. The answer rarely lies in moving on to the next
person, for often it is just a matter of using YOUR imagination to create the
spark. It’s about making your partner feel safe and about letting them be human
- not some super goddess. Its also about giving them room or space to get it
wrong, to be a bit dull or flat, or to be tense. This is to say, that if you
accept your partner as they are, they will sense it and respond
positively.
By
accepting them you will make them feel better because you are saying it is okay
to be where you are. There's no greater turn off than expecting someone to be
somewhere else, whether in a better mood, or more responsive or whatever they
are not right now. If you take them as they are, then you have found
your starting point and you can use your imagination to spark the rest of your
time together.
This is ESPECIALLY
important with your FIRST kiss. If you are meeting someone new the chances are
you will both be a little nervous. If you accept them as they are, AND
yourself, then you can work with what you've got. You can activate your own
imagination and exercise your own imaginative responsibility to CREATE the
experience as, at the very least, pleasant for both of you.
Here there is room for
further improvement - or you may both mutually decide to let it go. On the
other hand, should you both decide to stick at it, then you have a really good
basis to build on when you next meet - and there is every chance of it getting
better and better.
Kindness
This
brings us to the third fundamental quality of extraordinary kissing: Kindness.
So far we have dealt with experimentation and imagination. A kiss is a sign of
profound intimacy developing between two people. To receive a kiss requires
each person to make a choice to ALLOW intimacy to occur. The
question
is, on what basis does that person make such a decision - what information do
they have to go on?
After all, when you are
with another person it is not like reading a book. You have to make decisions moment
by moment - in a sense you are always on the spot. You can reread a sentence in
a book, even a whole paragraph if you want to. But when you are with a person
you have to make sense of what they are saying as they are saying it. You have
to process it, interpret it, and respond appropriately. And you can't always
put a person down like a book and then go and re-read them. When someone
speaks, their words disappear into the air - their only trace is contained in
what you remember and that depends on how well you were listening.
And that
may depend on what mood you were in at the time, how much mental space you
had and whether you were in the right frame of mind to take on board what they
wanted to say. Even then, memory is not a very accurate recording device and is
totally colored by our perceptions and beliefs and attitudes.
So how do we get around
this aspect of communication? After all, if your friend says to you - "Can
you drive down town and pick up my Aunty from the train because I will be at
work....", well, that's a straightforward request. Either you can or you
can't and if you can it becomes a question of whether you want to or not".
There's not really that much at stake. But if someone says to you: "Hey, I
really enjoy your company...I'd like to spend the rest of my life with
you!" - well, this is when words begin to fail us. In this case, THERE IS
a HUGE amount at stake!
And when it comes the
communication of kissing - well, this is a language that is quite beyond words.
It relies on intuition and quick thinking if you are to convey your true
intentions with a kiss. It relies even more so on these qualities if you are
left to INTERPRET the intentions of someone else!
Because
romantic communication puts us so on the spot, it is important to develop and
convey certain qualities which help to ease the situation and which serve to
relax both yourself and the other person. This is where the act of kindness
really comes into the picture.
If you simply have the thought of
being kind throughout your interaction with your partner, this will affect what
you convey through your movement, the way you touch them and they way you speak
to them. They will sense this quality and it will help them to relax and enjoy
themselves.
Needless to say, really -
but it is worth reminding ourselves that, like kindness, respect is a
foundation stone of true and lasting enjoyment. Any kind of enjoyment that
comes without respect can only produce a
sense of eventual loss for
one or other party, and therefore, for both. This is because the joys of a
mutual relationship or interaction -which is based on the idea that both people
can be winners - is so immense, that any thing less than this means you are
losing.
But
when you have respect as a foundation stone, not only are you less likely to be
rejected, you are both likely to end up feeling good whatever the outcome.
Whether your romance looks like it may last, or whether it subsides, it is nice
to be able to look back on that moment with fondness and at the very least,
maintain a sense of "appreciation" for the way the other person
treated you.
Respect is a multi-layered
idea and the decision to act with respect for another person is as important as
acting with respect for yourself. This means that you are willing to stand up
for yourself if you find your partners approach or behavior to be threatening
or uncomfortable in any way.
Sometimes
people get carried away when in the throes of passion and they may even forget,
temporarily, about the need to respect the other person's comfort zone. If you
find that your boundaries are being pushed too far, it is important to let your
partner know - immediately. After all, they may not realize and may be
horrified to find out only later that you did not enjoy an experience.
Communication
This
is where communication is VITAL. You need to be able to communicate clearly if
you are not enjoying an experience or if you feel discomfort. This helps your
partner to adjust their approach. Both people need to receive information from
each other. It is not enough to simply rely on intuition and technique -
especially if you are experimenting.
So make sure you are
prepared to risk stopping and letting someone else know if you are not enjoying
yourself. You won't look dumb - they will actually respect you if you respect
yourself, and if you sense they don't then don't get involved with them any
further. Always remember, you deserve the best.
It's also good to remember
that a kiss is, in itself, an act of communication. A kiss fills a moment and
prevents speech because it is saying what is beyond words. This is where you
need to be master of your own intention. This is because it is
through your intention that you convey what you feel about
another person. And it is through the sensations you create for that other
person, that they receive your intentions and experience their own feelings for
you.
Once again it is a good
idea to reacquaint yourself with the earlier chapter devoted to
"Confidence". There is a useful thought to have in your mind about
confidence, however, and that is this: "Confidence is my natural state: I
simply need to release it".
If
you think the thought that confidence is in actual fact your natural way of
being, then you are in for a much easier time. Such a thought will help
confidence to flow in your veins and you will notice that warm feeling in the
belly that happens when you feel yourself to be in the zone.
When it
comes to kissing it is also a useful thought to have in your mind that:
"kissing is a natural way to express myself". The context for this
is, of course, that it is a special way to express oneself and there is
code of appropriateness that surrounds it to do with the values of mutual
respect and
communication. When you
keep all this in mind - that is to say the idea that kissing is natural within
appropriate contexts - then that thought will help to release your natural
state of confidence because your body will feel safe and relaxed.
Of course there is no
confidence booster like the simple fact of having some knowledge.
When you know what you are doing then everything else flows because the chances
of being embarrassed or feeling stupid are minimized. So this is where it helps
to acquire some tips in developing your own individual technique.
Preparation
.... Is VITAL!
This is especially the
case for first dates. Of course you don't necessarily want to make your first
evening out about kissing! You may want to get to know a person better before
letting things roll on too far!
There is, however, a
simple way to avoid having any nervous feelings about kissing in the forefront
of your mind. The easiest way to do this is to develop a few routine habits as
part of your daily routine. When you do this you will make yourself open to the
possibility of romance without having it spoiled by thinking, "Oh shit,
I'm not prepared".
Beards -
If you are already
involved with someone, then make sure you know what she likes! Some may like
guys who have tickly beards - but it really pays to check.
If you
are meeting someone for the first time, then it pays to keep it trimmed back
around the lips, as it can be a real turn off for your partner if they find all
these hairs sticking into their mouth.
If you are single, it is
probably worth getting the advice of some friends whom you trust. Ask them how
your beard affects your look and whether they think you look better with it or
without it.
Make
sure too, that you ask more than one or two people and not all of the same
gender! It is good to get a variety of opinions as looks can affect you not
only romantically, but in your career as well. Some people just don't suit
beards and it pays to find out if that includes you - at least, if you are keen
to get that promotion you have been waiting for!
It is
a good idea to make regular use of a lip balm - especially if you suffer from
dry or cracked lips. You may not want to wear it when you are kissing, but if
you put it on first thing in the day it will absorb into the skin and help to
keep your lips smooth and sensitive for some extraordinary kissing!
There is nothing like a
good shower to help wash away any loose skin from the face, lips and hair as
well as removing any unwanted dirt or odor. When showering, however, you want
to be careful with how much soap you do use as it can have the effect of drying
out your skin. Some soap can remove the skins natural oils and then the skin
becomes dry or, alternatively, it may over compensate and produce too much oil
and become greasy.
To
this end it pays to shower every day, but consider confining your soaping and
shampooing to every three days. It does depend on the products you use and your
own body and if in doubt get some professional advice from a dermatologist or
chemist. If your skin is getting dry, then try out a moisturizer. This can
relieve itching and, once it soaks in, can make sure your skin is smooth and
pleasant to touch.
In
addition to removing unwanted odor from your body, showers can help to make you
smell fresh and clean.
It is often a good idea to
compliment this with gentle perfumes or scent sprays which are designed for
your skin type. Some can cause rashes so if in doubt get professional
advice.
It
is also a good idea to make sure such perfumes don't clash with the smell of
your "shampoo" or deodorant. This may require a bit of
experimentation to find the right balance! If you have a partner, get their
input! They are the ones who have to put up with you - often you get used to
the smell of your own body and so don't notice it.
In addition to body scents
it is really important to make sure you don't have bad breath. Once again, this
is not always easy to detect on yourself, so you may need to ask your partner
or a friend. If bad breath is a problem, then you can explore a variety of
mouth wash products in addition to the usual routine of cleaning and flossing
your teeth.
One common, but not very
well understood cause of bad breath is eating food late at night and then going
to sleep soon afterwards. This can cause the acids in the stomach to produce
gas as they digest the food. Because you are lying horizontally, the gases and
acids can rise up towards the mouth and this often produces the sensation of
yellow liquids in the mouth when you wake up in the morning. It also brings bad
odors to the mouth as well.
A similar effect can occur
as a result of not eating enough food. If you have woken up and not eaten all
day, the stomach juices may have nothing to work on and the gas and fluids may
rise up towards the mouth producing, once again, the experience of bad
breath.
To prevent these things
from happening, make sure you eat at least two or three hours before going to
bed (a small snack should be okay - but big meals late at night will cause
problems). Also, make sure you eat a good breakfast at the beginning of the day
and this will help to keep those stomach juices where they are meant to be -
down below!
Kissing Essentials
Now
it's time to deal with some of the crucial details of your craft! These are the
little tips that will help to make your romance romantic rather than bland.
They may be subtle, but they're worth noting if you want to add that extra
dimension to your kiss!
Lips – relaxed, not
puckered
This is an easy mistake to
make and is often the result of a desire to please a partner by putting effort
into it - it is this effort that causes the muscles in the lips to tense! When
they are tense there is less chance of communicating the more subtle sensations
and making the experience an enriching one.
It is
a balance though - if your lips are too sloppy then it can be like kissing a
sea anemone - a rather wet and weak experience. What you want is to apply the
right amount of muscularity or "intention" to the lips and this will
alter in intensity according to the moment. But as a rule, the more relaxed the
better.
Control saliva in the
mouth.
Too much saliva can really
make a kiss sloppy. If you don't stop it building up you run the risk of
letting it escape past your lips and dribbling down your chin and neck - or
worse - over your partner. Saliva tends to cool quickly once it is outside the
mouth and so it can create a rather cold and gooey sensation on the skin, which
isn't that much of a turn on.
This is easily avoided,
however by simply applying a light suction. If both partners do this they will
manage to retain their own saliva rather than swapping it - which is much more
hygienic - and if you pace yourself during long passionate kissing you will
also be able to find time to swallow as well.
The use of Tongue
...usually
implies that each partner takes each other seriously. If you decide to use it,
it pays to employ the proper tongue
motion. This can best be
described in terms of licking butter off a finger. You may choose to think also
of the motion used when licking a Popsicles.
It
pays to bear in mind that the more sensitive nerve endings are on the top of
the tongue, so your aim should be to try and stimulate these. It's important
not to rush into using the tongue. In fact it's actually a good idea to
withhold tongues to begin with as absence creates desire: this is to say that
its better to keep them guessing as to when you are going to advance.
The idea is to be
tantalizing - dangle the prospect in front of them and then withdraw a moment
after they reach for it. Then you can return again. In a sense you are respectfully
teasing them and creating a sense of fun and playfulness, which adds a
dimension beyond pure sensation.
Taste and Breath
In addition to the
maintaining good breath as mentioned before, you can actually go a step
further. If you really want to enhance your kiss and make it really pleasurable
for your partner, why not appeal to their taste buds by chewing on some
different flavored sweets or other confectionary such as breath mints, or
chocolate? Just make sure you don't leave it too long in between chewing the
sweet and your kiss as the flavor will subside and possibly even go off.
Eyes – Open or closed?
This depends on what kind
of experience you want to have. It's worth bearing in mind that the visual
sense takes up most of the brains processing power, so when you close your eyes
you'll be able to get a stronger kinesthetic sensation.
One technique is to open
them, if you find your partner's lips really attractive, and then close them
and hold that picture in mind as you kiss them - so your brain knows WHAT you
are kissing! In this way you become responsible for amplifying and intensifying
the stimuli and enriching your own experience.
When you do this you'll find it easier to respond to the
other person - they will sense your energy and responsiveness and,
because you are having
such an intimate experience within such close proximity, they will pick up on
your vibe in a telepathic manner and will start to respond at a deeper level
themselves.
In this way you create an
upward spiral where you both become responsible, in playful way, for making the
experience more and more heightened.
Hands – where should they
be?
It pays to stick with a
conservative embrace; this means placing your hands on your partner's shoulders
or upper arms. At the most you might move one hand toward the middle of your
partners back for support.
Maintaining a conservative
embrace is one clear and strong way to convey your respect for your partner -
especially if you have just met and your romance is just beginning. Of course,
if you have been with someone for a while, then it is about applying the
principles of experimentation, imagination, respect and communication discussed
earlier. The best thing is to find out what your partner likes by asking them
and not just assuming.
Tilt right
If you are wondering about
the movement side of things and don't want to feel fixed or stuck in a pose,
the research suggests that the instinctive thing for both parties to do is tilt
to the right. You can also do a lot to keep your body flexible and planted on
the ground by keeping your knees slightly bent and your weight centered. If you
do this and are always aware of where the center of your weight is, then there
is less chance of toppling over and being torn from your intimate embrace.
Breathing – do it
or you will be light headed and produce too much saliva!
If you
want a secret tip as to how to get the extra breath you need for long and
passionate embraces, then the answer lies with your ribs. If you take in a deep
breath to begin with and allow your ribs to expand, then this gives you an
extra "reserve" of breath. Don't fill right up otherwise you'll
stiffen and become wooden and tense - instead aim for 85% of in breath.
You can also learn to keep
your ribs expanded and this allows you to snatch quick breaths by using your
diaphragm. And if you really want to keep that kiss going extra long then you
can always breath through your nose by bringing the back of the tongue up
against the soft palate for a moment!
Position
As just mentioned, keep
your knees slightly bent and also your spine flexible so you can move sideways
or forward or back depending on what is required to maintain your balance. If
you happen to be lying down or seated upright but leant against a bank or wall,
make sure that your blood can still travel where you need it. If your arms go
dead it can become quite uncomfortable and it's not very safe. It's important
to also make sure that your partner is in a comfortable position so they don’t
risk losing their blood flow either!
Timing
If you are in the first
phases of meeting someone new and the whole kissing thing begins to happen
there is a really good rule of thumb to remember - and it has to do with
respect: if you begin the kiss make sure you are the one that ends it and don't
take too long!
If
you do take too long you put your partner in the position of having to end it
so that they can breathe or change position. This can be embarrassing for both
of you, as they may not intend that this be a sign of rejection or disinterest.
But of course if you over step the natural time boundary then you make a nice
moment into an awkward one.
If it is your partner who
initiated the kiss then allow them a reasonable amount of time to complete it.
If they do take too long then you'll begin to understand what is meant in the
previous paragraph - if this happens, then take note and learn from it so you
don't make the same mistake!
In conclusion…
You will by now be able to
deduce from all these tips that kissing is an art form all of it's own! Like
other art forms it requires a good knowledge of the craft involved if you are
to excel. But also, like other art forms, music, writing poetry or
painting....once you have acquired your craft through playful experimentation
and exploration as well as research and study, then you are free to let your
intuition guide you. No art form truly works without intuition and the ability
to sensitively feel your way through each moment.
The good news is that
wherever you are at in your level of skill is fine - because the only direction
from there is upwards. You can only improve in the arts because there is no such
thing as failure really - only experiments. Some work and some don't. Of the
ones that don't work, make sure you value them, because these are the
experiments that hold the greatest clues to your next success!
This
knowledge in itself should help to fuel your passion for acquiring a craft that
is itself designed to fuel passion and romance in your life - the art and craft
of the KISS! Enjoy!
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